Tuesday, August 8, 2017

30 Days of Gratitude: Prompt 16

I've been changing up a lot of things in my daily routine lately and the resulting feels have been remarkable. I'm proud of myself for it. For example, I've been consciously making a strong effort to distance myself from my phone and it's been incredibly relieving. As the night comes to a close, I plug in my phone to charge in a completely different room away from my bed.  Try it out. It just feels healthy to go to sleep and wake up without having that urge to grab it right away and inundate myself with whatever social media nonsense I could have possibly missed overnight. Don't worry best friends and family, I set-up my phone so that if there's an emergency in the middle of the night I'll be able to hear a few of you call. I've also been going on walks almost every day after work, taking advantage of this cool, new neighborhood I live in. Biking to places around me rather than wasting the gas. I've been reading more, writing more, erasing my kitchen and pantry of crappy, sugar-filled food. I gave up drinking for a month, had a few beers this past weekend and now am leaning back towards forfeiting that again. My daily water intake has jumped and I'm dedicating time each day to just sitting down, by myself and taking some 'Me Time' to reflect on things. I've been getting out with my best friends and family more, going for a walk on my lunch break daily, toying with my car hobby often, rock climbing harder. I've been meal prepping more and pushing myself at work to be the best I can be. But the most important action I've been taking, is stopping and looking at myself in the mirror, quietly, to realize and remind myself of own, great self-worth. That there are a lot of people who do really appreciate and love me for who I am and what I do for them. 

You can't just say you'll make life changes and then not follow through or commit to them. That's just not how that works in your inhibiting yourself from actually growing..

Day 16: What About Your Body Are You Most Grateful For? 

I strive to be fully transparent, forward and honest. So this prompt really got me reflective. It's a topic that I take personally and am actually a bit self-conscious of. It's kind of an open-ended question that could be boom...easily answered by saying this body part or that. But I'm grateful for my entire body, the exact way it is. Well, if my two-surgery-done right knee would be flawless that'd be ideal, but the way I am right, now, I'm grateful for it. 

Yes, I'm skinny, quite skinny to be honest. Not by choice but that's just how I am. Growing up I remember getting made fun of for being too skinny, whether it be in gym class, at the pool or even at summer camp. As I've gotten older, the making fun of eventually stopped to some point though there are still times today where I'll have relatives, friends or coworkers point it out or bring it up as a concern. There's a clear, distinct line between talking about it in a joking manner or not. For example, a few of my best friends have labeled me in our growing friend group the nickname of "Skinny Dude." I'm 100% okay with them saying that because they're purely just having joking fun and they're loyal, respect me for who I am and know that I am in fact, self-conscious about it. The phrases or words that literally make me cringe and shut-down instantly are when I hear "You're too skinny" or "Why are you so thin?" or "You're just skin and bones" or "You need to put some weight and bulk-up." And when I get asked the questions like "Have you lost weight, are you okay?" or "Are you eating?". My self-esteem and confidence immediately collapses, like a switch getting flipped. I'm not anorexic and I get massively offended when people ask me if I am. There are times, that my weight does change, fluctuating by as much as 15-20lbs depending on how busy I am, what activities I'm doing or if I'm just stressed out with life. I always eat, always. Have you ever seen me at breakfast time? It's my favorite meal of the day and I can easily eat four big pancakes, a bowl of fruit, two servings of cereal, toast, eggs, juice and coffee all in one sitting- effortlessly. I can also destroy a large bucket of movie theater, butter popcorn in like ten minutes. The truth is, I was born with a ridiculously high metabolism and burn off a lot of what I eat at each meal. I work out every day, whether it be biking, hiking, rock climbing, and you can bet that after almost every workout, I'm eating some kind of red meat and downing a whey protein shake. But even that doesn't help. I've just learned to live with it and accept it.

A few years ago, I dropped from 165 pounds down to 148lbs in less than a month. I remember going in and out of the clinic, seeing my doctor and having all sorts of blood work and tests done. Nothing was out of the norm and the eventual conclusion was that I have this thing called 'hyperthyroidism' which in easy translation means an extremely over--active thyroid that at times can cause rapid, sudden weight loss. I understood what I was told and continued about my daily life. Yes, it sucks horribly to have to get rid of all your clothes that don't fit you and even today, if I put on something that I bought recently that did fit me and it doesn't now fit me due to a sudden decrease in weight- I get bummed down and discouraged. It really, really, sucks. I keep an eye on my weight on a weekly basis, this up and down poundage isn't going to change anytime soon but I just have to be aware when it gets to that dangerously low level. This past fall, when I was in Iceland for two-weeks, I lost about 12 pounds. I was doing a huge amount of hiking and walking, and I was eating all the glorious food Iceland had to offer (the best lobster and hot dogs ever), but again, just being active with that high metabolism caused that weight drop. Yeah, would it be nice to have more defined muscles? Sure but I'm content and satisfied with me being toned the way I am, right now. But I don't need big, bulbous arms, pecs or a six-pack to be happy or compensate.

So yes, this is something I'm aware of and do struggle with day after day, but I push forward. I'd rather be who I am right now, the me I'm grateful for- in shape, active, eating healthy and able to constantly partake in my hobbies that I take so much pride in, like rock climbing, skiing, backpacking and hiking without feeling weak, sluggish or exhausted. And I'm proud of that.


On the iPod...